What does it mean?
Miriam-Webster defines depression as:
: an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: such as
Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.
Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:
Also, medical conditions (e.g., thyroid problems, a brain tumor or vitamin deficiency) can mimic symptoms of depression so it is important to rule out general medical causes.
Depression affects an estimated one in 15 adults (6.7%) in any given year. And one in six people (16.6%) will experience depression at some time in their life. Depression can strike at any time, but on average, first appears during the late teens to mid-20s. Women are more likely than men to experience depression. Some studies show that one-third of women will experience a major depressive episode in their lifetime.
So there are the "definitions" of depression... That explains a lot, huh? What does it look like in real people? It looks all kinds of ways... What do the people actually look like? Well, they can look really sad. Really happy. Somewhere in between. They can be laughing, crying, eating normally, eating too much, eating not enough. No energy, too much energy. Sleeping all the time. No sleep. So, how can you tell when you look at someone? The answer - sometimes you can't. A lot of people who meet me for the first time, have no idea. Some people who have known me for years, may not know how bad it is, was, can be.
For me, depression has been all kinds of things. I have been sobbing. I have had tears just behind my eyes ready to drop at any given second. I have had anger. I have laughed. I have just been existing. Its a strange strange journey.
How does it start? I don't know. It can be there, underlying for years and get worse. It can be a build up of life. For me, all I can say is I don't remember much of my life without it. Especially in my mid-late teens. It just progressed from there...
I just remember always feeling an underscore of being down and something pulling me downward. I had low self esteem. Always have. Still do. That doesn't help. I had a trauma when I was 5. That has carried with me forever. I may discuss this at some time. I then had a mother who had a chronic illness. When I was in my early teens, she would go in and out of the hospital. I was left responsible for my family. I had to take care of things at home while mom was in the hospital. Even when I stayed at a neighbors, I was still responsible for our home. I had to make sure my dad was up for work and cook him breakfast and pack his lunch including his morning coffee and a thermos full of coffee for work. So, at I would be up at 3, get him up by 4 to eat and go to work. I did the laundry, bought the groceries. My dad NEVER went to the bank and cashed his own paycheck, so I did that too on my bike. Then in my mid teens... I was in a relationship that was toxic.
Toxic relationships, especially in the formative years, can cause so many more psychological issues than people are aware. I had a relationship with someone that made me believe that I was not worthy. Not worthy of love, not worthy of anyone, with, of course, exception to him. He was the only one who could love me. No one else would possibly love me because, who would love me? I was lucky to have found him! HE would love me. How fortunate was that? But could I do anything outside of his permission or knowledge? NO! Could I think for myself? NO! So.... that added into my issues.... I got myself out of that situation and eventually found a man who loves me for me. :) But....
One year into my marriage, I unexpectedly became pregnant. Worked thru that, but post partum depression is not a joke! Dealt with that, came thru eventually. Avoided that with my second child.
However, not long after my second child turned one, my mother became even more ill than previously. I had been taking care of her for some time and knew that I could not return to work after my second child was born because my mother's health was so poor I would have no child care. However, when her health took a larger downward turn... that was hard.
Caring for an ill family member is difficult. I had done this for many many years. Before I had a drivers license. I would have boyfriends take me to the Laundromat. My dad would drop me off at the grocery and pick me up and hour or two later. I would ride my bike to the store for medications or a few quick things. Or if mom wanted taco bell or something, I would ride my bike up there too. I really didn't realize that it was abnormal. After I got married, mom would go to the hospital and sometimes come home, sometimes stay with a family member. When she stayed with a family member, she would still ask me to pick up her medications and things. If she stayed with my grandma, I had to go get her foods that she liked for my grandma to fix. I did this while dragging one or two children along. For me, the depression and reality of the situation never hit during the crisis or while I was handling it. It always came afterwards.
1996. My mom died. I was devastated. For YEARS I had taken care of her. The last 6 - 8 months of her life, she even moved into my home! I didn't know what to do. I had always been her caregiver.
Depression became full force. It was worse than I had ever had. My doctor placed me on some meds and that helped. Therapy helped. But this was now a permanent condition. Depression was now permanently on my life journey.
This is where depression permanently attached itself to my life.
There are others that have had much more difficult lives. There are others who have had more tragedy in their lives.
This, however, is MY journey. This is how depression happened to me. This is MY story.
Maybe it's your story too. Maybe you know someone who has experienced these things. Maybe you think I'm a baby and a whiner. Regardless of what you think or what you know, this is how it happened. This was the beginning.
: an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: such as
a (1) : a state of feeling sad : dejection
- anger, anxiety, and depression
(2) : a mood disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies
- bouts of depression
- suffering from clinical depression
Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.
Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:
- Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
- Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
- Loss of energy or increased fatigue
- Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., hand-wringing or pacing) or slowed movements and speech (actions observable by others)
- Feeling worthless or guilty
- Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
- Thoughts of death or suicide
Also, medical conditions (e.g., thyroid problems, a brain tumor or vitamin deficiency) can mimic symptoms of depression so it is important to rule out general medical causes.
Depression affects an estimated one in 15 adults (6.7%) in any given year. And one in six people (16.6%) will experience depression at some time in their life. Depression can strike at any time, but on average, first appears during the late teens to mid-20s. Women are more likely than men to experience depression. Some studies show that one-third of women will experience a major depressive episode in their lifetime.
So there are the "definitions" of depression... That explains a lot, huh? What does it look like in real people? It looks all kinds of ways... What do the people actually look like? Well, they can look really sad. Really happy. Somewhere in between. They can be laughing, crying, eating normally, eating too much, eating not enough. No energy, too much energy. Sleeping all the time. No sleep. So, how can you tell when you look at someone? The answer - sometimes you can't. A lot of people who meet me for the first time, have no idea. Some people who have known me for years, may not know how bad it is, was, can be.
For me, depression has been all kinds of things. I have been sobbing. I have had tears just behind my eyes ready to drop at any given second. I have had anger. I have laughed. I have just been existing. Its a strange strange journey.
How does it start? I don't know. It can be there, underlying for years and get worse. It can be a build up of life. For me, all I can say is I don't remember much of my life without it. Especially in my mid-late teens. It just progressed from there...
I just remember always feeling an underscore of being down and something pulling me downward. I had low self esteem. Always have. Still do. That doesn't help. I had a trauma when I was 5. That has carried with me forever. I may discuss this at some time. I then had a mother who had a chronic illness. When I was in my early teens, she would go in and out of the hospital. I was left responsible for my family. I had to take care of things at home while mom was in the hospital. Even when I stayed at a neighbors, I was still responsible for our home. I had to make sure my dad was up for work and cook him breakfast and pack his lunch including his morning coffee and a thermos full of coffee for work. So, at I would be up at 3, get him up by 4 to eat and go to work. I did the laundry, bought the groceries. My dad NEVER went to the bank and cashed his own paycheck, so I did that too on my bike. Then in my mid teens... I was in a relationship that was toxic.
Toxic relationships, especially in the formative years, can cause so many more psychological issues than people are aware. I had a relationship with someone that made me believe that I was not worthy. Not worthy of love, not worthy of anyone, with, of course, exception to him. He was the only one who could love me. No one else would possibly love me because, who would love me? I was lucky to have found him! HE would love me. How fortunate was that? But could I do anything outside of his permission or knowledge? NO! Could I think for myself? NO! So.... that added into my issues.... I got myself out of that situation and eventually found a man who loves me for me. :) But....
One year into my marriage, I unexpectedly became pregnant. Worked thru that, but post partum depression is not a joke! Dealt with that, came thru eventually. Avoided that with my second child.
However, not long after my second child turned one, my mother became even more ill than previously. I had been taking care of her for some time and knew that I could not return to work after my second child was born because my mother's health was so poor I would have no child care. However, when her health took a larger downward turn... that was hard.
Caring for an ill family member is difficult. I had done this for many many years. Before I had a drivers license. I would have boyfriends take me to the Laundromat. My dad would drop me off at the grocery and pick me up and hour or two later. I would ride my bike to the store for medications or a few quick things. Or if mom wanted taco bell or something, I would ride my bike up there too. I really didn't realize that it was abnormal. After I got married, mom would go to the hospital and sometimes come home, sometimes stay with a family member. When she stayed with a family member, she would still ask me to pick up her medications and things. If she stayed with my grandma, I had to go get her foods that she liked for my grandma to fix. I did this while dragging one or two children along. For me, the depression and reality of the situation never hit during the crisis or while I was handling it. It always came afterwards.
1996. My mom died. I was devastated. For YEARS I had taken care of her. The last 6 - 8 months of her life, she even moved into my home! I didn't know what to do. I had always been her caregiver.
Depression became full force. It was worse than I had ever had. My doctor placed me on some meds and that helped. Therapy helped. But this was now a permanent condition. Depression was now permanently on my life journey.
This is where depression permanently attached itself to my life.
There are others that have had much more difficult lives. There are others who have had more tragedy in their lives.
This, however, is MY journey. This is how depression happened to me. This is MY story.
Maybe it's your story too. Maybe you know someone who has experienced these things. Maybe you think I'm a baby and a whiner. Regardless of what you think or what you know, this is how it happened. This was the beginning.
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